


Out of This World Pleasure

by TheSongSmith



Series: Tumblr Prompts/Requests [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Astroglide: The Official Lubricant of the Supernatural Fandom, Based on a Tumblr Post, Dean is so uncomfortable, Destiel - Freeform, I Blame Tumblr, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Innocent Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Sam Ships It, Sam Winchester is So Done, Someone stop me, Sort Of, Why Did I Write This?, for a fic about lube, i did research, why is that a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:54:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23757214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSongSmith/pseuds/TheSongSmith
Summary: You guys....I don't even know. It just happened. This is what I think would happen, were a crate of astroglide to show up and be found by our favorite baby in a trench coat. It's real stupid. I love it anyway.Based on this lovely post: https://timetraveldean.tumblr.com/post/167064938763/i-have-no-idea-who-runs-the-astroglide-twitter
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Tumblr Prompts/Requests [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/484202
Comments: 7
Kudos: 96





	Out of This World Pleasure

It was a normal day in the bunker, like any other. Well it had been, right up until Sam and Dean wandered toward the war room to find Cas sitting at the table, looking curiously through a large crate with the word _Astroglide_ painted in big letters on the side. The angel hadn’t noticed them yet, or at least hadn’t acknowledged them, too busy lifting various tubes and containers from the box to examine them. Sam froze, cocking his head to the side and grabbing Dean’s arm to stop him from walking any further. His mouth opened and closed a few times as he tried to process what he was seeing and form any sort of meaningful response. What he came up with was “....Yeah, I’m gonna let you handle this one.”

Dean glared and started to reply, but the angel looked up. “Hello Dean, Sam.”

Dean yanked Sam into the room, refusing to be the only one who had to deal with this. “Hey Cas...What, uh...what are you doing?”

Cas followed his gaze down to the box, then shrugged. “I found a package.”

“Found it...where?” Sam asked, not entirely sure he wanted to hear the answer.

“Outside the door,” Cas said.

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. “And you picked it up...why?”

“It’s addressed to us,” Cas answered, as if that was obvious. He picked up the lid of the crate, and sure as shit, there it was: **To: Dean Winchester and the angel Castiel. From: Your friends at Astroglide.**

Dean took the lid from him, staring at it. He blinked a few times, but the writing was still there. “The fuck...?” he murmured under his breath.

Sam smirked. “Yeah, I think that’s exactly what it’s for.”

“Sam, so help me god, I will put Nair in your shampoo,” Dean threatened darkly.

He looked back to the angel, who was uncapping one of the bottles, ignoring their comments. “This one says it tastes like strawberries,” he said, voice serious as he started to bring the bottle up to his mouth.

Both Winchesters yelled at once, one of them going with “CAS, DON’T!” and the other settling for “PLEASE NO!”

Cas looked up at them, noticing their distress for the first time. “Is something wrong?”

The brothers exchanged a look for a moment, and Sam shookhis head. “Yeah, no, I’m out. I just remembered, I need to...go somewhere and do a thing. Yep.”

He snatched his coat from the back of a chair, practically running to the stairs. “Where are you going?” Dean asked, scowling.

Sam laughed, though it came out slightly hysterical. “Literally anywhere that doesn’t involve you, the angel, and the biggest box of lube I’ve ever seen. My name’s not on that box, this one’s on you.” He dashed out the door, leaving Dean glaring after him.

“I’m not sure I understand what that word means,” Cas remarked, squirting the contents of a different bottle into his hand and rubbing it between his fingers curiously.

Dean sank down to a chair, burying his head in his arms. “What word?” he asked before he could stop himself.

“Sam said this is ‘lube’. That’s what the bottles say. But I don’t think I fully understand what it’s for. It’s very slippery.”

Dean groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. This was not happening. It couldn’t be. He was NOT sitting at the table talking about lube with an angel. When he managed to peek up from the table, Cas was watching him, concerned. “Are you alright, Dean?”

Dean took a breath, shaking his head. “Okay, buddy, listen. This kind of stuff...it’s not something people just...you know...talk about...or play with on their table when their friends are around. It’s...private.”

Cas nodded slightly, looking between him and the bottles for a moment. “Is it...like porn? We’re...not supposed to use it with other people around?”

“Yes!” Dean nearly shouted, relieved to at least be getting somewhere with his vague half-statements. “Yeah, it’s...well, I mean, sort of, it...a lot of people use it with a partner but...it’s that level of private, yes. We don’t...talk about lube, just, whenever...”

The angel hummed thoughtfully. “I see. Perhaps you could show me how to use it, then?”

Dean stared at him for a long moment, sure he couldn’t have heard what he thought he’d just heard. He sputtered for a moment, trying to kick his brain into gear again. “I’m...sorry, what?”

“You said that people use it with a partner,” Cas said, “And we’ve been partners on many hunts together. Not to mention the profound bond that we share. If we’re partners, we could use it together, like you said.”

Dean rubbed a hand over his face, briefly considering the chances he might be hallucinating. Alright, so not all of his thoughts about the angel had been... _innocent,_ per se, but this was way more than he’d bargained for. Cas was still staring at him, waiting for a response, oblivious to his discomfort. Dean took a breath, closing his eyes. “Alright, uh...I’m talking about a different kind of partner...okay, first, you need to take all this stuff and get it out of the area where we eat. Put it in your room or something for now, or...I don’t know, it just...can’t be here.”

Cas frowned slightly, but nodded, dutifully packing up the box. When he disappeared down the hall, Dean paced for a moment, then pulled out his laptop, starting to pull up some tabs. He met the angel back in his room, holding out the computer between them. “Okay, Cas, listen,” he said quickly before he could ask any questions, “I can’t explain this to you. It’s just...it’s weird, man. But if you really want to know, I’ll...show you where to look, I guess.”

The angel nodded, taking the laptop from him and frowning at the screen. “Dean, I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about porn,” he said seriously.

“We’re not,” Dean agreed, shaking his head. “But honestly, I don’t know what else to do in this situation. Just...look at those tabs and...I think you’ll get it. And we’re not ever, EVER mentioning this in front of Sam. Or anyone. Ever. Got it?”

Cas considered this for a moment, then nodded, closing the door when Dean left and setting the laptop down, pressing play on the first video.

He stayed in his room the rest of the day, and Dean kept finding himself wondering what on earth the angel could be doing in there.

 _You know what he’s doing,_ the voice in his head pointed out unhelpfully. _You just wish you had the balls to be in there with him._

“Shut up,” he muttered to his empty bedroom.

  


* * *

  


It was late, almost midnight, when there was a soft knock on Dean’s door. He took a deep breath, opening it to find Cas holding his laptop. “Thank you, Dean. That was very informative.”

Dean raised an eyebrow, taking the computer and briefly wondering what his browser history might look like now. “Yeah, ‘course...so, uh...you get it now? Why we can’t...just talk about that?”

Cas nodded, smiling. “I believe so. You humans are often uncomfortable discussing sexual acts, especially those which are deemed ‘taboo’ in some way. And I discovered that many of those acts make use of this ‘lube’.”

“Yeah...yeah, that’s pretty much it,” Dean nodded, feeling his face heat up.

“I understand why you do not wish to discuss such things around Sam. But I did have a few more questions that I thought perhaps you could answer.”

Dean sat down heavily on the edge of his bed, somewhat surprised when Cas joined him. “I, uh...yeah, I...guess so...”

“Thank you. In one of the videos, there were two men engaging in penetration-”

“Fuck’s sake, Cas, don’t say _penetration!”_

The angel sighed. “I was just wondering...why?”

Dean stared at him for a moment, raising an eyebrow. Of all the places he thought that sentence might finish, this hadn’t been on the list. “Why? Well, because, it...it feels good.” He knew he was quickly turning red, and he looked everywhere in the room except at Cas. “I mean, not that I...that’s just kinda...why humans do the whole...sex thing.”

Cas nodded thoughtfully. “I see...I suppose that makes sense. I was also wondering about a pattern I’ve noticed. At the beginning of the videos, it seemed that the participants began a sexual encounter with other behaviors, like...kissing. Is that how humans initiate sex when they don’t want to talk about it?”

“I...I mean, yeah, kinda. Well, it’s...humans who...like each other...a lot...they do the whole...kissing thing...and a lot of times that leads to...more than kissing.”

The angel nodded, a line forming between his eyebrows as he considered this seriously. “You humans are fascinating,” he remarked. “And you put so much effort into not simply discussing and agreeing to mutually beneficial activities. Thank you for answering my questions.”

Dean nodded, pinching himself to see if maybe he’d wake up from a strange dream. It didn’t work. “Uh, yeah, sure, I guess...so, any idea where that crate came from? Gabriel fuckin’ with us again or something?”

Cas shrugged. “I’m not sure. It is possible, I suppose.”

Dean hummed in agreement. His face still felt hot, and he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be doing with his hands as he waited for the angel to disappear, but after a few seconds he was still sitting beside him, his thinking face still firmly in place. “...Cas? You okay there buddy?”

Cas nodded slowly, turning to consider him. “Yes, I’m fine, Dean. Are you okay?”

The angel was absolutely in his space, and Dean would say something about it if he could trust his voice right now. “U-Uh, yeah...yeah, fine. So, what...what are you gonna do now?”

He expected Cas to leave the room, or poof off somewhere, or...literally anything else that would give Dean some privacy, and a minute to breathe.

What he didn’t expect was the angel leaning forward, pressing their lips together. Dean froze for a long moment, not quite believing this was real.

Had he imagined kissing Cas before?

Maybe.

Did he ever think the angel would be the one to make the first move?

Fuck no.

Was he complaining?

He had to think about that one for a moment, but then the little voice in his head said _Fuck it,_ and who was he to argue? One of his hands landed at the back of Cas’ head, pulling him closer as he kissed back.

When the angel pulled away, he grinned. “Have I initiated properly?” he asked.

Dean frowned in confusion for a moment before Cas’ words came back to him: _Is that how humans initiate sex when they don’t want to talk about it?_

  


Oh fuck. He was _screwed._

_  
_

_ With a little luck, maybe in more ways than one . _

**Author's Note:**

> So that's a thing I wrote. Why is my brain like this.
> 
> If you have a request you'd like me to fill, I got time. Come chat with me over on tumblr, @thesongsmithtumbles. I just wrote this incredible nonsense, so I promise I won't judge you :P


End file.
